Two Cents’ Worth in the Nickel City
First Pitch
As an American writer, I imagined once how it would feel to approach the editor of a big city newspaper and “pitch” an idea for a new column. I had read somewhere that the best way to partake of any new venture is to play it out in your mind first, like a dress rehearsal. By doing this you would take into consideration the method of accomplishing your goal, what obstacles to avoid and the unforseen circumstances to overcome. That way when you get around to actually doing the deed, it will come to you as if by rote, automatically.
I am new to Canada, there are a lot of contrasts compared to the American way of life. Politics, entertainment, social issues, each one affects us in different ways. There is the climate factor, employment, the language, all sorts of fodder for my creative mind. But in my plan for submitting this idea, I would not be a meek and mild Clark Kent of the Daily Planet.
The black- and- white scenario that projected in my mind made me the Curt Schilling of pitching new ideas. I would stride into the corner office and my very presence would metaphorically scream, “Stop the presses ” as I hurled well placed salvos like filet-mignon wrapped with the ribbons of originality.
My initial idea? To write about “nothing.” I could just “Forrest Gump” my way through the sights and sounds of this Canadian community reporting my American reactions while using my usual flair for resplendent detail. What could be a more creative way to give my two cents’ worth? But my projector threw a belt and the film started to unceremoniously melt on my mental screen, causing the reel on the loose spindle to spin and snap its celluloid tail.
“Already been done.” would be my future editor’s fatalistic response.
“Been done? By who?” Or is it, by whom?
“Jerry Seinfeld, 1989-98. You’ll need to come up with something else.”
Of course, I do what every other self-confident professional would do in a similar situation. I stall.
“What do you mean, come up with something else?”
“Something different.”
And right then and there I would curse syndication and American programming. What place does it have on Canadian television, anyway? Now the wheels are turning. The boss wants something fresh, different, and readable. I need to make an appeal. I require foresight and depth. That is where you, dear reader, come in.
As an American from Florida currently residing in Sudbury, surely you have a question or two about why I am here? Something on your mind? Just feel like venting? Don’t care what Americans think? Drop me a line, I’d love to hear from you. Anything is better than nothing, right? Besides, that was my concept. It’s not my fault that Seinfeld came up with my very own original idea first. So you cannot just sit back and do nothing and I think you know why.
Because nothing has already been done.
